The Potato
by FlamingDoritos
Summary: Rhys has always been allergic to flowers. So what is a certain someone to do when trying to find the ideal gift to declare their love? Use their imagination, that's what. UlkiRhys


A/N: Inspired by an awesome quote I found just yesterday, which can be found at the end of this little…THING. HAHAHA, I HAVE NO SCHOOL. I am SUPERIOR.

And no, I wasn't high when I wrote this. I just had a heavy dose of boyfriend dancing to a very funny song.

_**THE POTATO**_

The problem wasn't that Rhys didn't like flowers.

It was more like…he had a bit of an issue when he got near them.

Yes, Rhys, bishop extraordinaire, survivor of the Crimean War, was allergic to flowers.

It wasn't just sniffles, either. It was a severe case of sneezing the likes of which had rarely, if ever before, been seen on Tellius. A nasty rash tended to break out all over the poor bishop's body, and to top it all off his lungs, weak as they were, often decided to shut down in order to prevent any pollen from entering his system.

Ulki had not known this.

After apologizing profusely and having Soren burn the offending plant life (the sage had been more than happy to oblige) Ulki had curled up with Rhys and let the priest fall asleep.

…until the tiniest fleck of pollen had drifted up Rhys' nose and Ike had needed to call 911.

Soren had banned Ulki from their property for two months.

LOGITECH

The hawk currently was flying toward the current headquarters of the Griel Mercenaries with a box in hand. No flowers this time. This would be absolutely perfect (or so Janaff claimed), and absolutely nothing could go wrong.

Nothing whatsoever.

Ulki smiled to himself and began heading down.

NINTENDO64

After walking to Ike's room and hearing all sorts of interesting noises coming from behind the door (which unfortunately were extremely detailed for the poor hawk), Ulki decided to hunt down Oscar.

IKEA

Oscar appeared to be coated in raw cookie dough while Boyd and Rolf laughed their rear ends off.

GARDEN

Shinon and Gatrie appeared to be otherwise occupied.

INTELPENTIUMD

In the end, a very traumatized Ulki managed to find Rhys sitting outside underneath a tree. Smiling, the hawk sat down next to the bishop and pressed a light kiss to the other man's cheek. Rhys jumped slightly, then threw his arms around the hawk.

"Ulki! It's fantastic to see you again!"

The hawk smiled and hugged the bishop. "It's good to see you, too."

The bishop eyed the box Ulki was holding warily. "That doesn't have flowers in it, does it?" he asked.

Ulki smiled and handed the box to the other man. "No, it doesn't. It's got a rather…unique gift in it."

The auburn-haired man raised and eyebrow but shrugged. "Alright. May I, then?"

The brunet smiled. "Yes."

A moment later Rhys found himself holding a potato.

"It's…a tuber."

"Yes, it is. A potato, to be exact."

"…why?"

The hawk grinned broadly.

"Well, flowers only really last a week or two, and that's only if you leave them in water. They really only exist to be pretty. So…that's almost like saying 'My love for you is based solely on your appearance, and you aren't really good for anything else.' But a potato…they practically last forever. Not only will they not rot, but if you leave them alone they'll start growing all by themselves. There's many ways to enjoy a potato, whether you're eating one or using it as a projectile weapon to get Boyd out of the kitchen. So that's like saying 'I have many ways to so my love for you.' Potatoes might be ugly, but that's what makes this even better, because _that_ is like saying 'It doesn't matter at all what you look like. I'll still love you.'"

For a moment, Rhys was silent, looking back and forth from Ulki to the potato. Then a wide smile broke over his face and he threw himself at Ulki, knocking the hawk over.

"It's perfect, Ulki. Absolutely perfect." Rhys lightly pressed his lips to the hawk's. "I love you," he whispered, cheeks tingeing red as they always did when he said so.

Ulki smiled and wrapped his arms around the bishop. "I love you, too," he murmured. "I always will."

The younger man's face flushed with pleasure, and Ulki leaned in to kiss him again.


End file.
